If all the answers fail, create yours

I never imagined this could happen to me - someone well-educated who always considered myself smart. When I encountered phone fraudsters, I was completely unprepared. 

All my savings, accumulated since my first day in Shenzhen, just vanished in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, I found myself penniless without a single coin in my pocket again. A feeling both fierce and numb stirred in my heart, one so familiar that I've been accustomed to it—there's no anger, no pain, just sadness. 

This unexpected event plunged me into deep confusion: If I chose this lifestyle for money first, but it might turn out to be a fantasy. So, why not choose a different path away from the things I find nearly intolerable? The annoying office, the hustle of commuting, the irresistible desire to climb to the top.

I mean, right here, right now.

Things spiral, and people meet again at last.  Incredibly, I reconnected with Su Min again, the famous woman who drove alone across China at the age of 56. She re-emerged into the public eye, captivating us again with her spirited presence in the film adapted from her. 

Since our last talk, 3 years have passed. She has become a strong, confident, and fulfilling woman who is more glad to share and willing to laugh. If a few years ago, her story was about courage and running away, now a new narrative has been created.

"I wouldn't have known I could be a traveler if I hadn't simply started", she said to me. Just like the film's Chinese name 'Out of Determination'(出走的决心) versus the English title 'Like A Rolling Stone', the previous journey was driven by things she wished to flee, but the new path is about creating and paving the way she loves.

Where is elsewhere, yet also a promised land?  In Su Min's livestream room, countless people come to her with questions, searching for answers about life. Middle-aged women want to know how to get divorced, elderly men ask if it's too late to start a road trip, young girls want to know how to persuade their moms to live their own lives bravely.

This is exactly why the story about driving a car and traveling alone resonates with us so much. Everyone asks, 'Should I make a change in my life?' The only difference is that some take action, while others don't. 

It seems I'm someone who is willing to give up almost everything to pursue the inner passion. The deep desire and fear together drive me to go this far. Like a journalist friend once said, 'we're both eager to have and afraid to not have a fulfilling life.' 

That's why people like us want to uplift and expand life from the inside out: to meet different people, to narrate different stories, and seemingly can't have the capability to quit chasing something farther and beyond, all in a way to build up density and quality.

2024 has been a turbulent year, as usual, I switched my job again. In a modern society surrounded by strangers and ruled by capitalism, we often feel like facing multiple choices. If a company is a ship, changing jobs is like leaving one captain to sail with another. 

Taking a big leap, I quit my previous job without another offer in hand. Despite everyone's warnings, I chose to trust my gut. This job overwhelmed me with constant self-doubt, fear, and frustration. Many times I questioned myself: 'Am I not capable enough to survive in Shenzhen?' Losing confidence was excruciating, and I'm still learning to grow new tissues over these scars. And now, with a broader perspective and more successful experience, I can look back at that toxic workplace with deeper understanding.

I've realized we're all human, with our own limitations both as individuals and organizations. And I understand myself better - a resilient guy may stumble but will never yield.

We are young but also old. Everyone encounters life for the first time, yet everyone carries the weight of inherited history—through parents, family, nations, and the shared experience of our species. 

Human beings are perhaps the only creatures capable of bridging the past and the future. How far one could go depends not only on the circumstances but also on their will.

I finally found relief in understanding this profound connection. While we might be categorized by types, personalities, or psychological frameworks, our true uniqueness emerges from the stories we carry and the desires that pulse within us. 

Chinese people often say 'you are not on the right path!' But ultimately, what is the RIGHT path? The distant paradise? The idealized future? No, beyond all these grand illusions, all we truly have is the present moment, and the present shapes it all.

Lately, I can sometimes feel destiny's hand against my back. Perhaps when we're moving in the right direction, we can sense destiny lending its strength. I understand more deeply now what fate means - looking forward, it's destiny unfolding; looking backward, it's destiny revealed.

Life unfolds with its own intricate logic, weaving through our experiences, hopes, and aspirations.

Thus, when you truly know who you are, you'll often find yourself know what you must do and where you must go. There're no wrong turns. Trust your journey, life will alutimately find its way.

I don't know if you feel the same, but time indeed flies faster than ever. At the end of 2024, I still haven't achieved any significant accomplishments. Days pass with work, filled with both gains and suffering. I sleep and wake up, find the new year has just arrived.

Even in America, I find myself remaining an outsider.  I've recognized that the core reason lies in capitalist society's inherent alienation - the disconnect between the means of production and labor. 

I'm still so scared of not being able to live life to its fullest, still so afraid of not creating my own career. Under all these constraints, I struggle to set missions and balance priorities.

How much cost will you take, how far will you go stray, how many times will you keep from tearing down your face?

Sometimes when everything feels unbearable, I persist in one thing, write. Without any practical purpose, I write simply because I want to.

This reminds me of a news story about a group of students from a second-tier university who began documenting their class history under the guidance of Teacher Huang Zhixiu. Through the act of writing, people forge their own language and resist the alienation imposed by the outside.

Writing one more line a day would feel like a remarkable victory. To me, this is my most useless and ultimate inner passion. Just like breathing, eating, and sleeping, the only one would stop me doing is death.

A restless heart never settles. This burning desire and countless aspirations still waiting to be fulfilled. I know deep in the end that I don't strive for an easy life, but for a life worth living. And I have my path laid out: solving problem by problem, completing task by task, writing word by word. 

If all the answers fail, no worries. why not be brave, and create ours.

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